| Sex talk among spouse There are some people are unhappy because they feel that they have little sex experience in their marriage. Many could not find the gut to tell a partner about sexual fantasies or what they wish to do in bed. Most worry their spouse doesn't notice there is a problem and that they feel unfulfilled.
Sex talk is omnipresent in our society. We came across many sex tips in magazines and hear latest political sex scandal from the new broadcast but yet it's rare to see someone talk about sex with the person he or she actually has sex with. Talking about sex as a personal, intimate experience with your partner is a totally different kind of talk. You have to be open to talking about what you value and your vulnerability. No one teaches us how to do that.
How much sex is regarded as “acceptable” in a long-term relationship? Almost 80% of married couples have sex a few times a month or more: 32% reported having sex two to three times per week; 47% reported having sex a few times per month, according to "The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States," a 1994 University of Chicago study considered the most comprehensive in the field.
Married couples have more sex than dating couples. When sex therapists talk about a nonsexual marriage, they mean a couple having sex fewer than 10 times a year.
Sex is important but not necessarily at the core of what binds couples together. It energizes the relationship, making each person feel desired and desirable, and serves as a buffer against trials and difficulties. When there is a conflicted about sex, the disconnection can play an inordinately negative role, he says. Often, if you can repair the sexual bond, the relationship improves as well.
Sexual problems can crop up for emotional and/or physiological reasons, whether it is stress from work and child-rearing, lack of time, medical issues, past sexual trauma or aging. Many couples get stuck in a rut where sex is all or nothing.
Some couples are so estranged that not only don't they have sex, but they also don't sleep in the same bed or even touch each other. Experts say when intimacy has eroded this much, the couple may need professional help.
Having trouble discussing problems in your sex life with your spouse? Here are some ways to make it easier.
Be gentle.Need an opening line? 'I love you, and I'd like to feel more connected to you.'
Never discuss sex right after having sex (unless you have only good things to say). Sex therapists say the best place to discuss sex is out of the bedroom—in the kitchen while making dinner, on a walk, taking a drive.
Realize that the discussion may take more than one conversation. You don't have to knock it out all in one sitting.
Don't ascribe blame.Don't psychoanalyze. Just describe what you feel is the problem. 'You seem much less interested in sex than you used to be.' Ask if your partner has noticed this as well.
Tell your partner five to 15 things you really like about him or her. Never say, 'If you loved me, you would…' |